As I sit here in my room, relaxing, drinking, and have the AC on behind me, I still have a lot on my mind, but I try not to think about any of it.
Its impossible to make a person, place, or idea disappear, but not thinking about it doesn't make it go away, it only delays it.
Behind every idea, there is a better idea, behind every person, there is a smarter person, or one more experienced.
Life is full of choices and as I count down the time to 10pm Saturday night when I turn 35, its scary to think that I am still where I am when I moved back home on February 16th, 2010. Everyone deserves to be happy in this world, but since then, I've been floating, like a piece of drift wood going down a little stream.
Sometimes I feel like a type random thoughts in here, but as the drinks continue, the truth comes out and it hurts those who have no souls or morals and lie to themselves in the mirror and those who used to be their friends.
I can start my own group without them, and I could shop elsewhere, but its funny everytime I go in that store I used to work in, and see how horrible it is. A bread rack in the bread aisle at 1pm and shelves empty, a dairy department in shambles, a frozen department loaded with expired products.....just sad and depressing to see how far its fallen since I left. I enjoyed a couple of customers who came up to me as I was shopping and said hi and they miss me there. But its deeper than that, its time for me to take care of me, be all about me, and let go of the past.
The more stable I get in Stones, the better and better I feel, currently on vacation, I feel better than I have in a while, but we'll see how things go once September rolls on in.
Life is full of choices and I've been narrowing down certain options out there. Whether it is work choices, friends, where to live, who to date, my life is my choice. I hate to be about myself, but for too long I've put others before me and when certain ones step on me and a few I care about, its time for a change to mix things up, put the shoe on the other foot, and move on.
I turn 35 Saturday and I didn't invite certain people because they feel like drama is part of their lives and let certain friendships ruin those they created beforehand. It doesn't matter who is friends with who. If I decided to add every girl I ever worked with or knew, its no of anyones business. My life is my life, and its said people try to corrupt and ruin others by making false accusations and assumptions about shit they know nothing about.
Last Summer was amazging, there were BBQ's, restuarants, birthday parties, and other random adventures. This year its been different, like 1 side vs another. This time last year, I planned my birthday party and had a great time at The Great Wall, Tony C's, and Kings, and it led to other nights out after it.
As I continue this week of adventures and trips down memory lane, alone I go to places I went to with others. Its sad the way things have happened, but it shows I don't need any of their negetive vibes around me. If they plan something for Friday night, I'd be shocked, but knowing them, I doubt it because they don't care about me, they care about themselves and what they can get out of it.
Life is too short to fill it with bad things, bad thoughts, drama, bad people, and just problems.
August changes everything. For now, its just wait and see and go with the flow.
Tomorrow is another day and another adventure without anyone.
I'm my own friend . . . doing things my way. . . . on my own . . . . without others who don't care about me. . . . but only with those I care about the most.
- lostways27 -