In life, there are many things we all wish to accomplish, do, and succeed in.
Everyone deserves to be happy, cheerful, and enjoy life to its fullest, but it sucks when years pass by and your still single.
On top of everything else going on, age is always a factor. I try not to say anything negative about my past relationships, but age ended that one without a doubt. 10 years age difference is too much. 2-4 ages +/- is ideal.
When you look to the left, or look to the right, there are people everywhere doing fun things, relaxing, and having a great time.
As I do as I please and have fun, I always have a doubt and wish things could be much much better than they are.
In 2006, I was one phone call away from having what could have been the best relationship and friendship of my life, but I doubted myself, got scared, and didn't pull the trigger to make the right call. Instead, I settled for something I never should have done in the first place, cheate a friend, took his fiance, and made what at the time, I thought was the best decision for me, but it was wrong on every level and I'll never ever do tha again.
You can learn from the past, and use the past to make your future better. As of typing this, I haven't heard from the ex since 2012 for unknown reasons to me, maybe she found another relationship or just simply doesn't want to talk anymore.
I spent the past 5+ years living a quiet life, saving and saving, and saving, and saving, and saving, and investing in things. I lived a simple life, work and home, stay at home, rent free (just doing a few chores and things around the house). It was a fun time, but depressing too. The feeling and want to go out, but no one to go out with, friends who have moved on, away, and have children, families, and problems of their own. Alone I be. Alone I am. Alone I still am.
You could say that I am picky, or choosey, or whatever you feel like calling it, but it's just the way it ended up.
Now things have changed for the better. 2015, finally out of my shell, going out, and having a great time every time, but theres still that bad feeling inside, the feeling of being alone, the feeling of being stuck and unable to go to the next level. People are happy, deeply involved in relationships, and then theres me, single and saying to myself why? Why still single at age 34. Its mostly my fault because over the past 5-6 years I gave up on looking for a relationship, gave up on going out, and was content on just staying at home all the time and just doing whatever I wanted to do at the time which was a combination of eat, sleep, work, or watch sports.
2015 changed everything. and it completely changed my feelings on life and everything in it. People could say I live a sheltered life because its rare that I would ever leave the town I am from or go out of my way to do anything different from what I have been used to. It all started in March with a trip to Margaritas. Little did I know at the time it was the beginning of a year full of changes in my life. In high school, I tried beer in the woods with friends and hated it and avoided it and all alcohol since. During my last relationship, we had a New Years Eve party and I was asked if I wanted a drink and (again, staying comfortable) declined because of 1 bad experience with it. As that night went on, I caved in, had a drink, didn't like it (It was Smirnoff Grape) and avoided all alcohol again until April).
Round 2 in April was the double header, A trip to Margaritas, followed up by a trip to a place I've never been to, Waxy O'Conners on Hartwell Ave in Lexington. It seemed odd, and way way out of place, but still we went on that Friday night an of course, the place was packed, it was band night too!! Everyone was drinking at Margaritas and then again at Waxy's, and it went on from there.
Sometime in late April, it finally happened, 3rd time out in 2 months (first time since 2009). We all fell in love with Waxy's that we wanted to have dinner there. Having no clue what to get, I asked a friend what should I get, she gave me a suggestion, and I went with it. First drink in a long long time was a Sam Adams. The drink was better than the band that night, the band One Hot Mess. The other band was better, The Kulprits. So I finished the drink and had another, not too bad.
Thinking that was it, things only went up and got better from there. I wasn't a drinker, but became one, especially after trips to The Great Wall in Bedford. Suffering Bastards and Blue Hawaiians are perfect!! Memorial Day I had 3 Suffering B's and it was the biggest push into alcohol for me.
As June continued to move, I did my own research and tackled it like it was a college class. In college, I got a D in Alcoholism and Substance Abuse because I had no idea what anything was. Now I am all set, all learned, and moving on trying new things along the way.
A BBQ in June got me over my fear of highways. When your drivers ed teacher has you drive on a highway during a snow storm during rush hour after school, you tend to shy away from them. I've driven on them over the years, but very infrequently, usually taking longer ways and backroads. Deciding it was time for a change, I got on the highway, and moved to the next level, went to a BBQ, then back to Burlington for drinks at the Cheesecake Factory, and then of to work a few hours later.
Later on, things got even better. In 2000, during my first Summer from high school graduation, I drove to Metheun to help out a new store at work and had to drive there. Thinking nothing of it, it was Summer, so I said ok, how do I get there, they gave me directions and on I went. Of course, I got there ok, but then got lost coming home because I had no idea 128 was also 95!!!
I had never driven on more than 2 highways at anytime during a road trip, let alone 3. The biggest challenge was to drive something like 35 miles +/- to Haverhill for a BBQ. I had to google it, and study the maps because it was far, farther than I had ever driven. That day comes, and I go. I drove, and made it no problem. Then there was another BBQ, and same thing, I made it. And then there was a smaller BBQ and I went swimming for the first time in 20 years in a pool. I had been to the beach once in 2007 to swim, but was there for less than 5 minutes in the ocean. So I did. I swam for about 30-45 minutes.
Again there was another BBQ and it was too cold to swim, and another but i was too late to swim. But all in all, I conquered another item off my list.
As time went on, this Summer turned out to be the best one ever. Lots of fun trips, lunch breaks at work, BBQ parties, dinners, bowling, and alcohol. You never know how much of an impact a small group of solid friends and co-workers can have on you until you push each other around, relax, unwind, and have fun. Every time gets better and better, every experience gets better and better and makes every future time better as well!!
I go from being nervous, living a sheltered life of very little outside of being at home to having fun everywhere I go every time!!
So the future remains bright, very uplifting, and full of fun and challeges along the way. I've come so far this year out of my shell, I am enjoying life to its fullest, but once again back to the original topic, still single. That's the ultimate goal for the end of the year, but the fact that I write off people because they don't drink, don't drink, they smoke, they have kids, they live too far away, they have too many animals or goats, hate sports, or had a pervious relationship longer than 10 years (which makes you say think what went wrong).
I'm not looking to the impossible, I'm just looking for a person who is fun and relaxed, ready to settle down, and just be done with the random dating and online dating scene. I just want to bring closure to the single life, and move onto the next phase of life, with someone else, and being the next chapter in the journey.
Lifes to short to keep searching and play the waiting game, the right time is just around the corner!!
- lostways27 -